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| "If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction." Dietrich Bonhoeffer 
I tried, believe me, but it was just the wrong train for me. That doesn't mean no one belongs on that train, but it is time for me to get off. The direction it is headed doesn't fit into the journey I am on at this time in my life. And that doesn't mean I can never take a train trip again, but there aren't any tracks laid where I am going right now, and a train is of no use on a footpath. | | |
| I am hopeful about what the future holds in a way I haven’t been in months. I am excited about what God is doing in me, and what He is doing in communities around the world. I cannot believe I waited this long to investigate the way He is moving. I heard a few negative things about the emerging church and never considered it again. I had no clue how big and fast it was rising. A few weeks ago, my spiritual father, whom I hadn’t seen in months, gave me a few cds of Frank Viola, and Paul Vieira’s book when I went for a visit. There was a set called, “rethinking the wineskin.” It shook me to my core. I spent a week fasting, praying, and repenting. I didn’t know what to do with this information or how to respond to it. I had no one to talk to about it, which was probably good--it is always better when I allow stuff to digest before I go and piss people off with my new revelation. I was amazed at this teaching. I couldn’t believe that as true as it rang, and as much scripture was used to prove it, that everybody wasn’t following it. So I started looking on the internet for information about simple churches and the emergent church. And I realized that the emergent church is huge, just hidden. I also realized that the things that are important in the emergent church (conversation, community, the poor, missional living, etc) were the things that had been important to me for a long time. It was a very exciting discovery for me. So what if I am a couple years behind? I am so hopeful now. Instead of being against something, I can be for something. I love the community aspect. There are people out there who understand me or at least accept me. This seems so simple, but in a matter of less than one month, my whole paradigm of church has been radically transformed. I feel so free to just be me. Galatians 2:19-21 (Message) "What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is n ot "mine", but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unneccessarily." | | |
| I came back from a recent vacation with a couple of books and cd’s (actually a book on cd-my favorite way to read…lol). The information in these books has messed up my paradigm, in a good way. I am undone—I am in a place of trying to figure out what I believe in certain areas, and how I respond to those beliefs. You are only responsible for the information you have been given…a couple of times (like 30) I have wished I had never listened to those cd’s or read that book. But I am glad I did because I have begun to allow my paradigm to shift. I am excited about where God is taking me and what He is teaching me. I am trying not to react too severely or too quickly…I have soooooo many questions……and I am trying not to mess anyone else up while I figure this thing out. One thing I do know…I am more than ready to just be real, not that I have been fake…more like being real with a shield over the reality if that makes any sense. I am done caring what others think. I wasn’t trained to care about their opinions—I learned that on my own. But I’m done. | | |
| Ephesians 4:1-3 (New Living Translation) "Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace." I had a realization today-get ready, deep thought about to hit the page-that as we are seeking to know and understand God, all of us are learning and growing at different rates and different times. We all have incredibly high expectations for others, yet we do not criticize ourselves as harshly. I have heard many voices lifted in complaint about different people lately (and many times my voice can be found in the mix). All of us have been disappointed, even wounded, by people. We have all felt abandoned or judged by loved ones, had to pick up the ball because someone else dropped it, or been betrayed or treated unjustly because of another's actions. However, we forget the flip side of this life: I, too, have disappointed, wounded, abandoned, judged and betrayed people. I have dropped the ball, only to have my weakness covered. I have treated others unjustly. I have made countless mistakes at the expense of others. I was reminded today of something pRob has said repeatedly: " I can be patient with others, because God (or other people) has (have) been so patient with me." How many times have I been forgiven? How often has grace been shown? How many times have I done something foolish, and seen someone come alongside me and cover the pile of dookie(sp?) behind me so that others wouldn't see the mess I'd made? | | |
| This has been a bittersweet week for me. Easter, resurection Sunday, is the ultimate day of hope and rejoicing for those of us that know Christ. As I lay in bed this morning, not wanting to get up for church, I started praying. I was thanking God for the day and for the sacrifice of His son, when it suddenly hit me. I realized today was the day he conquered death, hell, and the grave. Friday was a day of pain and suffering for Christ, a day when He was beaten and bruised, and hung on a cross to die the most shameful death possible. It was a day when God the Father watched His only son give His life for creation-bittersweet. It was a day when those who had followed Christ mourned the loss of their leader and friend. And Satan, in his foolishness, for just a moment was allowed to believe he actual killed the Son of God. Oh, but then came Sunday! The day that Jesus rose from the grave, conquering death once and for all. The Father raised the Son and the Son was reunited with the Father. And Satan was defeated! That was the day that I, along with the entire world, was given a second chance to know God, and to be with Him forever. I hold on to this hope. It is what makes life worth living. He is my hope both here and now, and for eternity. This week I found out that someone I know in Indiana ran out of hope. He put a gun to his head and ended his life here on earth. My heart breaks for him. He was 23. I'm 23. I have had times of sorrow and pain, because I am human and live on earth. But I cannot imagine the feelings of hopelessness and despair he must have felt. I have once agian realized how important it is that I share this hope that I have found with those who have no hope. I must be salt and light. Yet even in that, I know that not everyone will recieve this hope. That is the hardest thing for me-watching people suffer needlessly because they don't want truth. Still, I must tell of the hope that resides in me. In Acts Peter and John said, "We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard." Romans 8 MSG 12-14So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! 15-17This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! 18-21That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation (hope) deepens. | | |
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