grlonfire4jc's Xanga

All aboard!

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 23:33:14 GMT

"If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction." Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I tried, believe me, but it was just the wrong train for me. That doesn't mean no one belongs on that train, but it is time for me to get off. The direction it is headed doesn't fit into the journey I am on at this time in my life. And that doesn't mean I can never take a train trip again, but there aren't any tracks laid where I am going right now, and a train is of no use on a footpath.

Free to Just be Me

Tue, 15 May 2007 21:20:50 GMT

I am hopeful about what the future holds in a way I haven’t been in months. I am excited about what God is doing in me, and what He is doing in communities around the world. I cannot believe I waited this long to investigate the way He is moving. I heard a few negative things about the emerging church and never considered it again. I had no clue how big and fast it was rising. A few weeks ago, my spiritual father, whom I hadn’t seen in months, gave me a few cds of Frank Viola, and Paul Vieira’s book when I went for a visit. There was a set called, “rethinking the wineskin.” It shook me to my core. I spent a week fasting, praying, and repenting. I didn’t know what to do with this information or how to respond to it. I had no one to talk to about it, which was probably good--it is always better when I allow stuff to digest before I go and piss people off with my new revelation. I was amazed at this teaching. I couldn’t believe that as true as it rang, and as much scripture was used to prove it, that everybody wasn’t following it. So I started looking on the internet for information about simple churches and the emergent church. And I realized that the emergent church is huge, just hidden. I also realized that the things that are important in the emergent church (conversation, community, the poor, missional living, etc) were the things that had been important to me for a long time. It was a very exciting discovery for me. So what if I am a couple years behind? I am so hopeful now. Instead of being against something, I can be for something. I love the community aspect. There are people out there who understand me or at least accept me. This seems so simple, but in a matter of less than one month, my whole paradigm of church has been radically transformed. I feel so free to just be me.

Galatians 2:19-21 (Message) "What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is n ot "mine", but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unneccessarily."

I'm undone....and I'm done

Sat, 12 May 2007 05:11:56 GMT

I came back from a recent vacation with a couple of books and cd’s (actually a book on cd-my favorite way to read…lol). The information in these books has messed up my paradigm, in a good way. I am undone—I am in a place of trying to figure out what I believe in certain areas, and how I respond to those beliefs. You are only responsible for the information you have been given…a couple of times (like 30) I have wished I had never listened to those cd’s or read that book. But I am glad I did because I have begun to allow my paradigm to shift. I am excited about where God is taking me and what He is teaching me. I am trying not to react too severely or too quickly…I have soooooo many questions……and I am trying not to mess anyone else up while I figure this thing out. One thing I do know…I am more than ready to just be real, not that I have been fake…more like being real with a shield over the reality if that makes any sense. I am done caring what others think. I wasn’t trained to care about their opinions—I learned that on my own. But I’m done.

(Re-)Learning Patience

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 04:02:02 GMT

Ephesians 4:1-3 (New Living Translation)

"Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace."

I had a realization today-get ready, deep thought about to hit the page-that as we are seeking to know and understand God, all of us are learning and growing at different rates and different times. We all have incredibly high expectations for others, yet we do not criticize ourselves as harshly. I have heard many voices lifted in complaint about different people lately (and many times my voice can be found in the mix). All of us have been disappointed, even wounded, by people. We have all felt abandoned or judged by loved ones, had to pick up the ball because someone else dropped it, or been betrayed or treated unjustly because of another's actions. However, we forget the flip side of this life: I, too, have disappointed, wounded, abandoned, judged and betrayed people. I have dropped the ball, only to have my weakness covered. I have treated others unjustly. I have made countless mistakes at the expense of others.

I was reminded today of something pRob has said repeatedly: " I can be patient with others, because God (or other people) has (have) been so patient with me."

How many times have I been forgiven? How often has grace been shown? How many times have I done something foolish, and seen someone come alongside me and cover the pile of dookie(sp?) behind me so that others wouldn't see the mess I'd made?

Bittersweet Easter

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 23:29:32 GMT

This has been a bittersweet week for me. Easter, resurection Sunday, is the ultimate day of hope and rejoicing for those of us that know Christ. As I lay in bed this morning, not wanting to get up for church, I started praying. I was thanking God for the day and for the sacrifice of His son, when it suddenly hit me. I realized today was the day he conquered death, hell, and the grave.

Friday was a day of pain and suffering for Christ, a day when He was beaten and bruised, and hung on a cross to die the most shameful death possible. It was a day when God the Father watched His only son give His life for creation-bittersweet. It was a day when those who had followed Christ mourned the loss of their leader and friend. And Satan, in his foolishness, for just a moment was allowed to believe he actual killed the Son of God.

Oh, but then came Sunday! The day that Jesus rose from the grave, conquering death once and for all. The Father raised the Son and the Son was reunited with the Father. And Satan was defeated! That was the day that I, along with the entire world, was given a second chance to know God, and to be with Him forever.

I hold on to this hope. It is what makes life worth living. He is my hope both here and now, and for eternity.

This week I found out that someone I know in Indiana ran out of hope. He put a gun to his head and ended his life here on earth. My heart breaks for him. He was 23. I'm 23. I have had times of sorrow and pain, because I am human and live on earth. But I cannot imagine the feelings of hopelessness and despair he must have felt.

I have once agian realized how important it is that I share this hope that I have found with those who have no hope. I must be salt and light. Yet even in that, I know that not everyone will recieve this hope. That is the hardest thing for me-watching people suffer needlessly because they don't want truth. Still, I must tell of the hope that resides in me. In Acts Peter and John said, "We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."

Romans 8 MSG

12-14So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!

15-17This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!

18-21That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation (hope) deepens.

Venting

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 04:15:25 GMT

I am tired of being frustrated. I'm tired of people being indecisive, and then when they do make a decision not following through 100% (I'd even settle for 80%). I'm tired of lack of communication. I'm tired of gossip disguised as prayer requests. I'm tired of us thinking people are just a project. I'm tired of people recognizing a problem and doing NOTHING about it. I'm extremely tired of apathy and laziness. I'm tired of people pretending everything is running smoothly, when in fact, it isn't running at all. I'm tired of candy-coated, I'm okay, you're okay Christianity. I'm not okay...and you're probably not either.

That being said, I pray that God would help me to quickly learn whatever it is He is teaching me through this. This test is hard, and I do not want to have to take it again.

What if?

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 18:03:22 GMT

I posted this blog for the first time about 2 1/2 years ago, and just read it again today. And it fit, so here it is.

As I was praying this morning, I just had a few thoughts running through my mind: what if the church would quit talking about unity, and actually walk in unity? What if instead of expecting our complaints to heal our land, we humbled ourselves, prayed, sought his face, and turned from our wicked ways? What if I could see the plank in my eye rather than the speck in someone else's? What if we did what we said we would do? What if we expected God to do what he said he would do? What if we lived like we serve a holy God? What if we prayed and fasted as if we believed it would change things? What if we gave all to the One who truly gave all? What if we refused to compromise? What if we truly died to self? What if we allowed Him to consume us? What if we really knew what it was to be hungry for God's Word? What if we knew what it means to thirst after righeousness? What if we truly saw every encounter as a chance to be Jesus? What if we lived like we knew the God who is love? What if we were different? What if?What if?

Don't eat meat

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 19:42:28 GMT

Romans 8

13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. 14As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food^[b] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. 16Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.

19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

Over the past few months as God has been speaking to me and teaching me, I have studied this scripture over and over again. I have given up things that were once permissible for me, because I have realized how unimportant my "rights" are. I know I am called to a life of ministry, a life of service to God and His children. If this means giving up a few things that I would be "allowed" to do, things that aren't sin, but could cause others to not recieve me as well, I'm okay with that. Verse 16 above says, "Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil." And verse 22b syas. "Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves."

All this thinking started when I realized, like it or not, ministry is organized and facilitated through churches. People on the street and other Christians who are extreme are easy to handle. It's church people who sometimes initimidate me. I don't necessarily look right, dress right, or sound right to them. I'm a little rough around the edges. But since God has called me to their children, I better learn to work with them. That being said, for the first time in my life, I am willing to change the way I look, dress, and sound if necessary. I can change the package. It is the message I refuse to change. I'm not saying I will change who I am, unless it causes me to be more like Christ. I have just realized I must not condemn myself by what I approve.

So the next generation would know

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 06:02:17 GMT

As I have been preparing my Kidz Church sermon, the weight of that which has been entusted to me ways heavy on my heart. How do I teach these children? I mean really teach them, not just another story or a moral--I want to teach them to know Him, to hear His voice, to be used by Him, to be obedient to Him. There are so many people, ideas and things competing for their attention. In the short time I have with them, how can I ensure that they encounter God in such a way that it sticks? According to James chapter 1, I am crying out for wisdom. I know I am lacking. Watching them struggle to make right choices and live for God causes me to press deeper. How can I give them something I don't have? I realize I must pray more, study more diligently, and spend more time being in His presence. How can I teach them His presence if I haven't been there?

Psalm 78:2-7

I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things, things from of old- what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.

Perspective

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 02:27:38 GMT

Perspective-2 a : the interrelation in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed; also : point of view b : the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance

I have been thinking a lot about perspective lately. It is amazing how two people can be raised in the same house with the same family at the same time, and yet one feels like a victim, while the other feels truly blessed to have been given that family. Or two people watch something happen, yet when you separate them and ask them to tell what occurred, their stories are different, based on the perspective from which it was viewed. A friend last night said something that really got me thinking. She said that we can relate to people who have been through things we haven't even thought of, because it doesn't really matter what our perspective is. What matters is God's perspective. It takes our opinion out of the equation. I have heard something similar to this, but last night as I thought about it, I actually got it. This is why I can minister alongside, under, and over those who have a different view about some things, because neither of our opinions matter. This is why a person who has been in church their whole life can still love the church. This is why someone who has never really fallen into visible sin can minister to people who are at the end of their rope.

Colossians 3:1-4 Message

He Is Your Life

1-2 So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

3-4Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.